Why are we baking?
In accordance with last year's Congressional ruling, the US military no longer receives its funding through tax payer dollars and must now generate all revenue through the sale of baked goods and refreshing beverages.
But don't worry, scaling back our weapons development and acquisition programs is not an option. In fact we've already ordered the weapons for this coming year. We know that we can trust all Americans to help us raise the necessary funds to meet this year's $425 billion budget.
Wouldn't it be great if the military had all the money it needed and schools had to hold a bake sale to buy a textbook?
Maybe some day that dream will be a reality, but for now, as you know, the Army has to hold a bake sale to buy a tank. But now, you can get delicious baked goods online, without the hassle of having to go to a U.S. military installation.
Thanks to ARMYBAKESALE.com, freedom-loving Americans everywhere can buy delicious baked goods to help fund the acquisition of the military hardware that our armed forces so desperately need. Remember, from F/A-18E/F Super Hornet Fighter Bombers to DDG-51 Arleigh Burke class guided missile destroyers, every little bit helps. You can fight terrorism and hunger at the same time!
BG-76 Occu-pies
BG-76 Occu-pies, The taste that won't go away! (Scrumptious Occu-pies will be added to your order whether or not you request them. It's what's best for you. Trust us.)
BG-76 OCCU-PIES×
Makes 1 great gross (1,728) Pies
Ingredients
Cherry Filling
- 5184 (14 1/2-ounce) cans red tart cherries in water
- 16 7/8 gallons minute tapioca
- 2160 cups sugar
- 4.5 cups salt
- 13 1/2 gallons butter, melted
Pie Crust
- 1 ton, all-purpose flour
- 72 cups salt
- 27 gallons ice cold water
- 72 cups apple cider vinegar
- 106 gallons solid vegetable shortening
Instructions
- Preheat Raytheon Industrial Furnace to 400 degrees
- Filling: Mix cherries, tapioca, sugar, salt and melted butter in FR-8801B-01 Tactical Mixer
- Crust: Procure a B-11042 Very Large Bowl. Sift flour into .5 ton, empty into bowl.
- Stir in salt. Take out 1/3 of the mixed flour and place in a B-11042-S small bowl. To the 1/3 flour, use a fork to add the water and vinegar. Place the paste in refrigeration unit. Place ice in water, then measure for ice cold water.
- Cut shortening into remaining flour using mixer on low speed. A McDonnell-Douglas MD-25a mixer works well for this step.
- Stir in flour paste with fork. Divide dough in half.
- Roll half to fit in 1728 9-inch pie plates.
- Roll remaining dough into a rectangle; cut into 1728 1/2-inch strips for a lattice top or roll into a round and use a lattice cutter.
- Pour filling into unbaked pie crust. Weave strips across pie, securing with water at each edge. Trim edges with a knife. Bake in preheated oven, 45 minutes to an hour or until pie is bubbling in center. Let sit 30 minutes before serving.
- Deploy!
Nutritional information (provided on battalion level)
- Serving Size: 1 great gross (approx. 1,728 pies)
- Calories: 146,880
- Calories from fat: 60, 480
- Fat: 6.9 kg
- Saturated Fat: 1.73 kg
- Cholesterol: 84.6 g
- Sodium: 60.48 g
- Carbohydrates: 17.3 kg
- Dietary Fiber: 0
- Protein: 3.5 kg
